Oh man this has been major league crappy weekend for Wayne Bass!   Number one Texas caught the break of a life time by getting Landry Jones instead of Sam Bradford.  Number two latter that night I went to pick up my date and she informs me that she can't go because her best friend from Provo is up and therefore can't go...She sent me an e-mail earlier.  And, number three I am getting my butt kicked in Fantasy Football by the Birdman him self Big Dan Bird.

So, to make me feel better I thought about things that I could look up, like Oklahoma History and what not, but instead I stumbled onto these little gems.  Enjoy!

A Sooner fan, a Univ of Texas fan and a Nebraska fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden the Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said, "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." 
The Nebraska fan was first in line, so he thought about this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Nebraska fan had to be carried away bleeding and weak with pain when the punishment was done. 
The Texas fan was next up, and after watching the scene, said "All Right! I wish for zero whippings, and his wish was granted.  
The Sooner fan was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said, "You support the greatest team in the world, your alumni has some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!" 
"Thanks, your most Royal highness," the Sooner fan replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes." 
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asks. 
"Tie the Texas fan to my back." 

Two boys are playing football at this park in a small town in Oklahoma when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes a stick and shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, thus saving his friend. 
A local sports reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. He tells the boy he's going to write the story and says, "I'll title it 'Young Sooner Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal'". 
"But I'm not a Sooner fan", the little hero replies. 
"Sorry, since we're in Oklahoma, I just assumed you were", says the reporter.  Ok I'll title it 'OK State Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack' sound?" 
"I'm not an OSU fan either", the boy says. 
Reporter asks, you do like football don't you boy? 
The boy's reply was "yes sir its just that I'm only visiting my cousin, I'm a Texas Longhorn fan, they're just the best!" The reporter smiles, and the next day the paper read: "Little Longhorn Bastard From Texas Kills Beloved Family Pet". 

A first grade teacher in Austin, Tx, explains to her class that she is a Longhorn fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Longhorn fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl... 
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, " Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?" 
"Because I'm not a Longhorn fan " she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked "Well, if you are not a Longhorn fan, then who are you a fan of?" 
"I am a Sooner fan," Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, WHY are you a Sooner fan?" 
"Because my Mom is a Sooner fan, my Dad is a Sooner fan, so I am a Sooner fan also." 
"Well" said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Sooner fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all the time. What if your Mom was a snotty arrogant loud mouth jerk and your Dad was a snotty arrogant loud mouth jerk, what would you be then?" 
"Then" Janie smiled,"We'd all be Longhorn fans I guess."

How do you get an UT graduate off your porch?............................................ ......pay him for the pizza

What is the first thing a UT graduate says when coming into contact with him?..............................Welcom e to McDonalds, can I take your order?

Albert Einstein goes to a party. He introduces himself to a lady and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?".........."240," she says. "Great, we can discuss the mysteries of the universe and other things. We have a lot we can talk about " he replies. Later he is talking with a man and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?"......."145," he replies. "Great, we can talk about thermodynamics," says Albert. Later he is talking to another gentleman and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?........"43," the man manages to say. Einstein gets a puzzled look on his face for a minute then says, "How about them Longhorns?"

Hoped You Enjoyed!